GodXP Spiritual Fitness

Meosha Bean, Filmmaker - Creator Life, Self-Belief, and Overcoming the Odds

June 23, 2022 Anthony Polanco
GodXP Spiritual Fitness
Meosha Bean, Filmmaker - Creator Life, Self-Belief, and Overcoming the Odds
Show Notes Transcript

Meosha Bean is award winning Filmmaker, director, actress With a truly inspirational story of self-belief, perseverance, and defying the odds as a black woman filmmaker.

Meosha is best known for her series Anatomy of an Antihero on Amazon and her production in the recent documentary Horror Noir. And working with many celebrities and famous people on many other series, feature films, and music videos. 

Learn more about Meosha Bean on her podcast Creator to Creators which you can find on Instagram @meoshabeanofficial and on podcast platforms everywhere.

The GodXP Spiritual Fitness Podcast: Level up your spirit, realize more power. Join us as we talk consciousness, spirituality, mental health, psychedelics, psychotherapy, self-realization, and personal development to inspire advancement in our lives.  This is the #1 consciousness expansion show. Together we share stories and seek to discover applicable truth and wisdom for life. With your host Anthony Polanco: Music artist, depression recovery author, and former Christian missionary-turned-meditation coach. Follow us on Social Media: @wearegodxp on Twitter, IG, Facebook and https://www.godxp.com

Yo welcome everybody back to the God XP spiritual fitness podcast. I am your host ANTP Anthony Polanco. We are very lucky to have our guests today. Meosha be is an award-winning filmmaker director actress, and she has a truly inspirational story of self-belief perseverance and defying the odds MEOSHA'S best known for her series anatomy of an anti-hero on Amazon and for working with many celebrities and famous people on other series features and music videos, you can learn more about Meosha being on her podcast, creator to creators, which you can find on Instagram at Meosha be an official and on podcast platforms everywhere. Meosha and I met in LA years ago through a mutual friend, and we've shared many great memories of smiles and laughter together, but we have not spoken since that time until now still I've kept up with Meosha's incredible. Self-made. Her story is an inspiration to me, to women of color and to all creators out there with a creative dream of life to pursue welcome. Meosha. Thank you. What a fantastic intro. yeah, it's great to thank you for having me. It's great to kind of like talk, talk you up. I've known you for many years and it's just great to see your career unfold. And, uh, there was, as I was looking, I was like sleuthing through your IMDB. I was like, wow, she's done so much since I've met her. And you were already working when we met five years ago. Thank you. So very impressed with, uh, very impressed with all you've been working on lately. Thank you so much. Yeah, it's it's um, when, when you, when I get like intros, I'm like, oh yeah. I, I actually do work a lot. Mm-hmm sometimes I forget cuz it's like, I'm a, I like. On a go, go go kind of person too. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Thank you. And the things you probably think are, are not important are actually still really important to, to some people, um, everything you create sticks with some people. And I think like we, as creators tend to like have the next thing in mind and we forget all the cool stuff that we've already built along the way, yes, completely. My that's completely my life and it's, it's, it's a really good reminder. Like sometimes I kind of always been that person growing up, like very much. Um, I don't know where I get it from, but maybe, maybe my mom, maybe my mom, um, like someone that's always thinking ahead, mm-hmm like, what am I gonna do in like two years from now? My mom's like, be a kid, enjoy being 15, like relax. It's okay. So I don't know. And I think with, with the industry, I just became like kind of a workaholic and I still am. Mm-hmm technically. I don't know if that's a good thing. It's interesting. I, I was thinking about that or wrote a little bit about it in my, uh, my daily. I do like a daily journaling about how I became so addicted to like pursuing my goals and success so that I could be more of a creator. And I think over time, I've just worked, being a creator into like how I make money, but yeah. We got into this, like, Hey, I gotta hustle really hard, so I can like be a success, but really all we wanted to do was just create in the first place. Yeah. So that's it. I think, uh, we can get lost like in the career part of it, but really we're just trying to create as much as we can, yeah, definitely. I that's literally all I love to, I, I mean, yes, I love creating and I think at this point of my life, um, it's more so the journey has definitely changed to like you only get one, go around mm-hmm and, um, You kind of figure out the things that matter your, your kind of your mindset shifts a little bit, the older you get, and you're like, oh, I wanna talk about important things that are to me. That's hopefully gonna move the, the culture forward. my little micro level of influence, up being a part of that conversation. So that's, that's where I am now. Yeah. So making a contribution that's gonna last. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So like why, why film or beside actually making film, like, what do you feel is that bigger contribution that you're trying to leave behind when you make a new film or when you work on a new show or a new even a VI any video project? Yeah. Um, I think the, the big thing that I've noticed is, um, I meet a lot of women. um, from all over, uh, women of color, uh, not to women of color, just women in general, but I, I find that the conversations that they're, that we're having when I meet them are, are conversations that I had when I first started mm-hmm , things like mm-hmm how do you do this? And why does this happen? And being a woman, is it it's really hard. And, and, um, we just have those really real conversations about like, how do you do this? How do you navigate in this weird industry that we're trying to, we're working in. And, um, I always say like, now the conversation, like, I wanna be able to give what I've gone through, like show, maybe not show them the way, cuz there's no one way. Right, right. There's multiple ways. Just what helped me get, through those. That those times of uncertainty of like, what am I doing? Um, I think, I think one, I think two is what I usually always tell people is that now my message is more of, I just don't wanna make films. I wanna leave a message. Whether it's like something that's important to me, whether that's mean like self love, whether that's depending on whatever the topic is, mm-hmm, , it could be inspired by friends or family or what's happening at the moment. But I definitely want, I mean, we, we live in an industry that's so we'll be canceled for telling the truth of what we feel, or what's not what's going against the grain or what's going against the machine rather. Um, cause Hollywood is just this big, huge conglomerative of, of people that, it's like this, you get to Hollywood, it's all these things and dah, dah, dah, and, and you get there and you realize. It's not exactly what I wanted. And then you kinda get sucked into the, the weird narrative and, and you kind of get closed minded and the things that you came there for originally, you don't do them. Right. Because you get kind of sucked into this weird thing. Yeah. But as time goes on, it's like, no, I, I know what I, I know who I am. And I think that's just because of trial and error, I think it's a process. And, and I, it's still a process. It's an ongoing process. Mm-hmm but it's, it's choosing what's important to you, and not being told what or put being put in a box. Yeah. Rather, so, yeah. Yeah. The, uh, that, that whole area Hollywood and LA has its own like river of thought, like energy and. It's if you live there, it could be very, you just get immersed in it, and I think that happens to a lot of people is, I mean, it's just life, if you it's, like we were saying earlier, you're a creator and you like make a big move to do something where you free yourself and allow yourself to create, but then you've got life and you get stuck in like paying the bills and like participate. And you gotta go out to drink after work, and like you start participating in life and there becomes less and less time to create, one thing that I think is, so when we met, I thought it was so fascinating that you moved to LA to make your, make your film dream come true. And you really didn't have like connections to help support you in that. And you just took a leap of faith and you believed in yourself and moved out here and you, made it work. You made a living and then you started making, more. More significant projects and people were, more and more people were being involved and like, I'm sure there's still been a lot of ups and downs, how did you make that decision in like, so many people have these dreams of like moving to Hollywood, moving to LA and making it, and you've kind of made it in your own way. And, uh, yeah, like how did you make that decision to just, did you always have that self-belief and, and, how did you make that choice in your life to, to believe in yourself and make that happen without any help? Great question. Um, it's okay. This is gonna sound really, really nuts. And, um, when I was, when I was about 6, 15, 16, I remember going to this, this, um, church event with my parents. and it was, um, this pastor there called me to the front and I used to like, like sit in the back, cuz I was like really nervous to like . I was like, oh please don't call me out. I, I don't know what's going on, but he called me to the front and he, so I go down to the front and uh, he says, I have a word for me from God. I'm like, okay, I'm open to whatever. Yeah, I'm open. And he basically spoken into my life. He said that I'll never forget it. He said, you're gonna, God sees your heart and you're gonna do this and you're you you're filmmaker. And, but you're gonna also use this platform for the greater good and to get people to, to, to Christ. And I was like, oh wow. And he's like, you're gonna meet this person, this person. And my mom was like writing it down as this as is happening. And uh, so, so fast forward, maybe like a week later that person he named reached out to me. and I was like, oh my goodness. Wow. What that's mind blowing. And ever since then it was like, Hey, and this person was located in Texas and I was 17 at the time. And he sent me the script and then that was like the beginning of everything. But I always say that I, I think what it is is I, I had, I, I had some angels, I, I guess helping me out. I don't, I can't, I that's all I can say. It's not my talent. I, I think I'm just a vessel, um, to, to, to want to be used and to be molded to whatever that is. Mm-hmm that God wants me to be. But, um, I really feel like I, I just always knew kind of like, I, I knew what I wanted to do at a young age, but I mean, like I knew for sure, like, okay, this is who I am. There's no other. It's nothing else for me to do. Like I, um, and I think that was the, the, the decision making. And then, um, I left home at, I think it's 18, 18 years old. Um, I, it was, it wasn't intentionally to leave. I just did a job. And that job turned into like, Hey, you wanna stay here for two years? I'm like, okay. And I mean, literally that's just kind of how life has happened. Yeah. But I think with that, with these such faith, it's, it's, it is that it's, it's taking that leap of like going into the unknown of, I don't know how this is gonna even unfold, but I'm here for it. Mm-hmm, , I'm here to learn whatever it is I need to learn because that's what life is about. I think we, we, at times, I think a lot of times we don't get anywhere in our life because we're, we're, we're scared or we're, it's fear, fear see sin and we're like, we're St it stifles us in a way of. Because it's trial and error. That's, that's what growing is. Right, right. It's it's I mean, how would I know what not to do if I didn't go through this situation? Or like okay. What to avoid later on? Or I've had a lot of interesting situations that happened to me over time. And, um, I'm so grateful for those moments. I was upset in those moments and I was like, oh, this sucks, but I'm happy that I had those it's it just made me who I am. Yeah. Today. So I think I've always known. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Has what was like a time where you looked back, that was like the hardest time where you were out in LA by yourself and you weren't making ends meet and you felt like you just want to quit and move home. Maybe you did quit and move home and just had to rebuild, what was one of those times? Ooh, there's so many Anthony. There's so many times , um, I just wear it. Well, I just wear, I wear stress really well. Um, I might lose weight, but , I wear, I wear it well, and I'm like, there's nothing, when I made the decision, I, I literally, I, I tell my mentor, um, who's you knows to this day I call him Anani but he worked for Warner brothers, someone that I look up to that hasn't, been to that pinnacle, but still is one of the most humble and sweetest guys in the world I've ever met mentor and yeah, mentor is very important to have. Um, I remember the, I went to, oh, there's so many, but I'm gonna say, you know what, there's, there's definitely one that sticks out. There was a, a job. I got this job for this production company. I will keep nameless cuz you're still in, still in business. Um, and I get hired. He hires me, things are going great for about a good six, seven months. I living the high life. I'm like, wow, this is really cool. Like he really wants me to thrive and to succeed. And he sees something in me. And, and this, these are things that he's told me, like, I see myself in you. And I'm like, like, wow, he's a really good guy. And I think what, over maybe like six, roughly seven months, he start to like text me and Hey, I think you're beautiful. And, oh, you're so text and all these things. And I'm like, oh gosh, you're married. I know your wife and really good friends with her. And, it's very strange. And I was like, and you, you were kind of told as a woman in the industry, like kind of take it and just smile off mm-hmm and like, you wanna keep your job. And, and that's really what I was thinking was I just wanna keep right. This job. It's good money. To what price. Right. Um, so it got to the point where it was like becoming increasingly impossible to work and, and like, it was really distracting. I'm at, I'm at work and he's like, text me. He's like, oh, you're so, oh, even it got to, the point was so hard to like, go get a check, to pick up my check. Wow. He would make it impossible for me to like, do these things yeah. With, without doing other things. And I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. Like right. I told you I just wanna work. And that's it. Yeah. Um, and I, and I, I was like, okay, well, I'm, I'm, I'm done. I think the last straw was, yeah, it was, it was like, there was an alt, he gave me an ultimatum and he wrote this check out for me for, it was a lot of money. It was more money than I've ever seen in my life at that age. At that time I was early twenties. Um, yeah. And he. He's like, how much do you want? I'm like, he's like name your price. And I'm like, are you serious? He's like, anything you want, he's like, I can help you. And all I need in exchange is this. And I was like, if I was that person that didn't know myself and, and not the judge, others that do it. I'm just saying like, for me, my, my respect, yeah. For myself means a lot more. So I said, no, and I walked away and that those chicks stopped. I, I was not working anymore for at least a good two months. So imagine not working. You're just like, oh my God. Yeah. What's what am I gonna do? Did I make a mistake? Yeah. There was a fork in the road there of choice for you. definitely. Wow. But I mean, I, I had ramen noodles and I made it work. Mm-hmm I was like, there's just no matter what happens, I'm, I'm Mar I'm married to it. Mm-hmm , it's, that's it, that's what it is. Yeah. You're, you're a woman of principles. Thank you. That's what it takes to make it as a creator though. You, uh, you have your values that you're pursuing and you have to say no to everything else. And it's hard, especially when you're hungry, but, uh, that's something that we've had to do. Yeah. It's it's um, but then you think about the, the price. What, what, what price would you pay to live a certain life? And it's for me? Yes. I'm, I'm always a big advocate of you. Your self respect is more important than whatev, like, you know that because at the end of the day, it's like, it doesn't last forever. A mm-hmm . B, um, you're not gonna be happy to look at yourself in the mirror for the things that you've, I, I wanna be able to look at myself and say, I'm okay with the choices that I've made. Mm-hmm like, I'm good. I can live with that. Um, I that's just for me and my narrative, I, I just, and the principles that I was, given and raised with, growing up, have a great foundation, good parents, so that I do give them a lot of credit for the way I am. You know how I think so, um, I think, I think without that, I would definitely have taken the bait mm-hmm many times. Right. But yeah. Yeah. It's interesting how, certain things about our parents. We try to get away from. And then as we get older, we see our parents in our, in our decision making and in our thinking. And I notice as I get older, I'm a lot more like my dad. And they're just the things that I was ignoring about myself, but the very values that we make our decisions on, they're rooted in our earliest memories of like what's most important, and, uh, so interesting how, when we're young, we try to get away from that. And then as we get older, it's like, oh, we start to accept that part of ourself, yeah. But you had great friends. I remember you always telling me about, about your, your family and you were always really excited to go back home and visit. Um, yeah. So they've been a huge inspiration. Are you, are you there now? Are you living in LA now? Where are you in? Oh, no, I'm definitely not in LA anymore. Um, Not many people know this you don't have to get away. I like to move in silence, but I will definitely tell you after you say general. Yeah. so you're still in the United States? Yes. Somewhere in the us. I should say something exactly from France. okay. So anatomy of Anhe then for people who don't know, what is this? Is this, is this still your flagship series that you're working on? Would you consider this, like your priority number one project right now? Um, no. Um, so anatomy events I hero started Ooh, five years ago as a, it was actually a series originally. And then it turned into a feature over time. Um, I was hired to direct the series. and it was with my friend Allen. Who's the star of anatomy. He's great. He's wife. He's great. He's great. I've known him now for 12 years. We've known each other a long time and we've always been someone that, you just, you just meet people and you're like, you're gonna be that person that we're gonna crave forever. Like, and, and that's, for me, I love creating with friends and, and, and we can come together and do what we love to do and make money and, have a great time doing it together. Yeah. Um, um, but that, that actually is not the priority, but it is out. Um, I helped produce the last, the last one that, um, we, we did, uh, last year I, I was on there as a producer. I didn't direct last year. It was David worth. He's um, the director that he's, oh God, he's in blood sport with, um, And if you familiar with martial, well, yeah, you are familiar with martial arts. What am I talking about? He that's what many times? Uh, more than I proud to admit yeah, he's worked for Clint Eastwood. Uh, he's a cinematographer. He directed that, and that was fun to be on that. But now I, um, uh, well, there's a lot of things I did last year prior to moving. I, um, I got back into acting a little bit. I got a role, so that's that, that was really fun. So that's something coming out. Awesome. That I'm really excited about. That's cool. Um, yeah, so I, I get little clues from your Instagram posts, like, okay, this is something you might be working on here and there, like keep it mysterious. Right? Well, it's, hard's exciting with this kinda stuff. It doesn't come out for a while after you're done making it. So you can't really share too much. Oh my gosh. Right. I have, we I've. So I'm gonna write this group, but we wrote a feature. 12 writers directors, and we wrote a feature anthology. And that was, that was a lot . Wow. You guys write, uh, you guys all work on one thing together at a time? Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. This is, um, the group that we, you know, group of horror, thriller, psychological directors, like writers, and these guys, I, I don't even know why I even go. I was like, I'm not a writer. And then, uh, over, I've been in the group for a good two years. Yeah. And they taught me so much. And, um, I'm so grateful that I, that I take that took the job because I was, I was scared, but I do things that scare me and that I'm not familiar with. So, well then picking, getting into riding horror films is a good, is a good choice. I feel like things that scare you yes. Yes. I think, I think it's so funny. I always say people think that I like. They're like, you are ho you like monsters and stuff. I'm like, no, I'm more of like a psychological horror filmmaker. Like someone that deals in the realism, like real life situations that could go horribly wrong. Like your Jordan pills, um, people like, that kind of give you those, like obviously, get out right. That could never happen, but it was really scary to think like, yeah, it's a good trip. Whoa. Yeah. It's a good trip. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, whoa. So yeah. Uh, who's, what are some of your other favorite like horror directors or psychological horror directors? That's a really good question. Um, the reason why I got into filmmaking originally, um, was alpha Hitchcock. I remember watching, uh, birds and real, like I literally went on a binge watch of one summer and I was like 17 or 7, 16, 17 years old. And I rented all of his alpha Hitchcock present. His, his, tapes so it shows you how old I am. Um, gosh, and I, watched it and I literally was like, I love everything this man does. I wanna do that. So he would essentially take these like short films and you would make these little, little concepts of like, of just, he was just, still beyond his time. Mm-hmm and that's what made me wanted to, to, to, to get into the, the horror, aspect of all. Yeah. And yeah, short films and then short films graduated two features. Um, so yeah, Hitchcock is definitely one of my favorites Stanley Krick, uh, God, there's so many there's so I, I, there's, it's a lot, it's a lot, there's just so much out there so much content it's like, how do you sure. Yeah, sure. Of course. Crazy. So, but you didn't start with horror though. When you moved out and you started getting projects? No, no, I was, I was running, it's funny. You're gonna laugh. I was the coffee run runner girl, where for, but, it's like for sets for sets. Okay. Right. So like, I'm like for how long thinking? Mm. At the beginning. So I would go in for a job for a certain type of job and they would put me somewhere else and I'm like, that's weird. I was told, hired for this particular, job title and they're like, Hey, could you get us some coffee? I'm like, right. Okay. So I do it. But, um, it definitely it's humbling. I, I must say I'm like, wow, that is, that's a lot. It's a lot to just keep running around, but it was great to just be like on set. But I was like, I can't do this forever. Right. This is definitely not for me. I think I did this for at least for about two months with this producer guy. And he, he, the it's funny, he told me he was gonna get me this job a certain job, but I think it was cuz I was a woman that he didn't trust that judgment. So I see. So you signed it up at the entry level job and just kind of stuck there. Yeah. And uh, and then finally, I, I was like my, I was like, I, I, I can't stay here because it's, he's not gonna give me a dove their position at all. I didn't, it, it wasn't gonna happen. I noticed it quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were stuck there. but Hey, for your first, uh, at least your first project, uh, you got to be on a set, you didn't show up in. Not get to work around cameras at all. And then, so what came next? Like, what was your first actual, what was your first actual paid project that, that was substantial when you got here, when you got in LA? Um, that's a great question. Um, there was this film called stolen breath. Um, I was hired as a cinematographer, so I originally went to film school. Um, that's, when I was younger and, um, for a few years and, acting as well model in school, but I was doing, I, I got hired as a cinematographer on that feature and I met with a director. I think I met him at Starbucks or something, something like that. I can't remember. It's been so long ago, but he was like, Hey, we just started talking. Yeah. He's like, I have a script. Yeah. I write and I do this and he's like, check out my work. And I did, I was like, oh, cool. Keep in touch. And so he did reach out to me and he sent me something sometime later, like, there's this feature that I'm working on. I love to hire as cinematographer. So I sent him my real and he's like, I'm gonna take a chance and you, I like it. Like your spunk. And I'm like, all right. So that was my first like professional gig. Nice. It was serendipity just by proximity, just by being around. that's amazing. Seriously. The, most of the that's just so beautiful. Right? Like you do so much work to promote yourself and then you just walk into a Starbucks, no, they don't know anything about you at all. that's so amazing. I love those . Yeah. So you do your first paid project and, There was probably a lot of times where there was gaps in your projects where you're having to work at jobs that you don't care for, or how quickly were you just starting to do project after project? You're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna think I'm crazy. I never had a nine to five ever in my life. I just make it work. Yeah. I dunno if that makes sense. Mm-hmm um, I re cause I knew when I was younger that I did not have the education. I was not that kind of kid in school. I just Wasnt. I'm not kidding. I was, I was never that kid. I was like, if I don't figure something out, this is just not gonna be good for me. Like I just know school wasn't my, my forte. It was just not the, I mean, I did good, but I wasn't like, oh, I can do, I can fall on math or I can do, I can be a teacher. I'm like, I, this is just not, yeah, it's not me. Um, me too, actually. That's how I was here. I think that's a true creative. We're just like, yeah, we can't even go to a creative school. Like we gotta do what we're gonna do. That's it, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I mean, there was one job I did work at because I was like, I need to make some money. And that was when I was living in Colorado Springs. And then I was, and I remember one day I got it. And then I think I, I didn't even stay that long. I was like, there was like something that happened and I, and I think I was like, what am I doing? I gotta get outta here. Yeah. Like this is, this is death. Mm-hmm , that's I'm gonna, this is, I'm gonna kill myself. Yeah. Doing this. And, um, I left. and that's when I made the move to go to California. Wow. Right after that. So it, it wasn't even that long actually, now that I think about it. Yeah. So, yeah. And that was, I didn't have a nine to five in Cali at all. People say, are you crazy? I was like, no, I didn't. I just, I, again, that was God thing. Um, I don't, I tell people not that doesn't happen to everyone. I just think I got pretty blessed with that situation that I was in. Um, there was this, I always pay how much to this, this amazing man. He knew me before. I knew myself. Mm-hmm I don't know. That makes any sense. He knew of my work before coming out to LA at all. He, I was doing short films and I had like on YouTube, I would get a hundred thousand views here. I would get. I was very active. I did blogging. I had like this whole channel and I was super into, and I grew a lot of followers and he would watch some of my stuff, this particular guy. And I got, when I, when I got to LA, uh, some sometime later he reached out to me and I met with him and he was the nicest man. I met his mom as well, and he wasn't like a creep or anything. I, I, I wasn't like fearful at all. And he was like, Hey, I think you're just amazing. He's like, and I asked him, I said, how did you discover me? And he's like, I've known of your work since YouTube. And I was like, oh my God. You're like, that's scary. Yeah. He's like, I watch everything. Actually. He's like, actually I knew of you before you got on YouTube. He's like, I knew you had another cha. So I used to do this like gaming thing years ago called the movies. And you could make movies through like this like really fun game thing. It's kinda like a Sims. So I'd make these. Short stories and this that's awesome thing online. That was your, and he was one of the users. Yeah. And I was like, holy moly. So he was like, I would love to help you with your career and whatever it is that I can do, he's like, I, but I see that you're gonna go. So he's like, I don't know, you just have this, you have some, you have it. And I'm like, whatever you say . And he was like, um, if you ever needed a place to stay, let me know. And I was like, are you serious? So I that's amazing. Amazing was I was good for, I didn't have to worry about any place after that. That was a true patron of the arts. He just saw like talent in the art that he loved. And he was like, I wanna support this no matter, whatever it takes. Yeah. That that's, uh, I was, again, I, I, I don't think it's me because there's so many beautiful people in LA. I mean, as in the industry. Everyone's GOs, the dog is beautiful, it's like, but I feel like it it's about for, I don't know. I it's God at the end of the day. Yeah, for sure. I can't for sure. Take any credit. Absolutely. Yeah. That's amazing. That's that's great. Yeah. And, and also, you had to just be stubborn enough to make it work and to make those decisions to not change course, um, even during the slow times, it kind of just takes like, waiting it out till you get the hot hand again when you're creating. Um, so you had your struggles coming up in the beginning, but what about now? How has it changed? What makes success in film difficult for people today in 2022? What's changed since you started? Hmm, what's changed. Well, I feel like I'm at a. Place now in my life. I think when you get in your thirties, it's like, you don't care what people think. Mm. You don't care about fitting in. It's like a really good, good place to be. Mm. Um, and I love it. I love being this mature woman, uh, where I am now in my life, where I, I am unapologetically myself authentically myself, and I love being, I wasn't that way in my twenties. I really wasn't. I was trying to always be a part of the, the narrative of what's happening now. Mm-hmm and chasing that is empty. Mm-hmm and it doesn't do anything for you. Mm. Is you're just. Uh, become one of, like, like most people that come to LA mm-hmm unfortunately, um, I think what is better now is that I'm in a, have more peace of mind. I have I'm, I'm very sure of what I wanna do. Like, as far as like the path that I'm on now, there's no, I mean, I'm, I'm getting phone calls. I'm getting, it's more of like, as, before the differences I was chasing something versus now I can I'll get the calls. Yeah. I'm not waiting by the phone for work, and that's a really wonderful place to be. And I think, I think that's over time though. Yeah, for sure. Because I, I think the more you water a seed, right? It, it, it will grow. It's just sticking to it. I think a lot of times people give up right. When they. It's like you're right here, whatever it is that you're trying to do, you can make anything happen for you. I mean, I mean, absolutely anything mm-hmm I mean, I remember going to, to like, to pitching at Fox studio a lot and going over here and at these, in these rooms and I'm thinking to myself, like, so it, it like, wow. Going. And I think about the times of like me running around for coffee, to where I am now, it's like, all right. It saying the course does pay off. Mm-hmm that's all I can say. Yeah. Is, is just whatever it is that you wanna do and, and not being conformed by what others tell you to do or what you should do in your life, what you want. You can have that mm-hmm and that that's that's I feel like that's where I am as far as like, um, I'm very sure of what I want and it, and it's not even. About the fame for me, it's more of just being a working creator. Mm-hmm , that's, that's what I've always wanted to do, but unfortunately, unfortunately that stuff comes with it because it's, you gotta go to the little, you gotta meet the people, you gotta go to these little events. Those are my, I, I hate doing those. Never perfect. But yeah. Keeps getting closer and closer. Yeah, I . Yeah. Yeah. That's kinda how I've seen it as well. When I started, I had to do a lot of like, I, I had, I was taking marketing clients, doing social media for clients that weren't even really like related to me and just to make the money, but I was still feeling creative and doing creative work and, and then, um, as. Kind of got like, okay, I started paying off credit cards and then I, had enough clients where I didn't have to always be selling, selling and trying to get clients then yeah. I was able to kind of decide, you know what? Yeah, this is all pretty good, but it's not really what I'm here to do. And so I was able to start chiseling some of that off. I think finding your path requires like getting distracted by things that are similar to your path until you kind of figure out what the path is and in your twenties. I think it's a lot of that figuring out time trying things. Yeah. And realizing, uh, but having the courage to keep trying is, um, is essential. I don't know if it's courage or just like perseverance, like you gotta be willing to take your lumps, basically. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You, I mean, even, you know what I knew for, like, I remember going to, um, God, who was it? Was it just, it was either Justin Bieber or someone like that. I, someone in the music they were talking about how? No, no, it was, I think someone to do with music. It's, I've had so many conversations over the time. I, I kind of get it mixed up, but it was definitely like, oh, okay. Even at that level, they're still experiencing like, they have it all essentially. Right. The they're at the pinnacle of top of their career, but you're, they're still dealing with things, whether it's with self or they're just dealing with things on different level. Mm-hmm , that's, that's it it's, it never goes away. You're always gonna be dealing with something. I mean, you're never gonna get to the point where you're like, okay, I made it that's enough for me. I don't have to grow anymore. Like, no you're gonna go through it just on a bigger scale. Just more, more things at stake. Totally. The more you have, the more you have to, you just get used to living with the sucky part of it, , that's all it is. You just get used to the, I mean, have you noticed that? Well, yeah. Have, have you noticed that like with, even with just like certain celebrities, um, it's like, the whole Johnny Def Amber Amber hard situation, like, I mean, just hearing that case was just really bizarre and I'm like, wow. Even them, with all the resources and everything they have still still know, like not the, uh, you would think that that would solve a lot of the emotional problems, that that one would have in life. I think it brings more though. Yeah. Could be, could just be harder to fix them when you have a lot of things to distract you, yeah. Definitely. Um, so, so you have this path that you're on. And do you feel like you had, do you have this end goal in mind? Do you feel like you started with an end goal or do you feel like you're at a place where you're just creating the best things you can and you have faith that when you get to the end, it's gonna look as best as it could. Or do you have like this end destination, like I wanna make, this level film or, or something like that? Hmm. I I'm go, so, okay. This is, that's a great question, by the way. Um, I've, I've always wanted to be my, like self-made kind of person, like I've, I've always wanted to do what I wanted to do. Um, I've been in. Okay. And the reason why I chose this path was because I could have, I could've, conform or go by the, the, the rule book or whatever, like do it this way and do what everybody's like, have an, get this, do all that. I mean, I've had agents, I've had managers just, cool. And I have, haven't, an agent, but I, I kind of got to a point of my life where I've seen some really bad things in the industry that kind of scared me a little bit. Mm-hmm that made me feel like, Ooh, if that's what I have to do to stay or maintain this, then I don't think I want that level of success. Mm. I see. Um, because they're, when you're giving up, when you're giving something, you give up something. Um, I dunno if that makes sense totally. Without totally saying exactly what it is, but you give a piece of yourself to it, like you got your Marilyn Rose stories, tragic story, she was just, just got discovered and that she had the, the American dream, but she was miserable. Mm-hmm I don't wanna be miserable in the pursuit of what I, what I wanna create. And a lot of people are in the industry. Um, they put on a great face, but behind closed doors, it's like, there's demons. You have to fight. Mm-hmm , there's cause of the decisions you've made way back when still affects you now, or it's like, you become like, almost like a puppet mm-hmm um, And you're not really in control of your own voice, your own narrative. So there's things that people might don't understand. Like why does, why does this happen? But I remember going to this party, um, and I had to sign this non-disclosure and it was like, oh, like it was, at that time I was like, oh, is this gonna be fun? But then I was like, oh, okay, well, I don't think I want this, whatever this is. I'm good on that side. I don't, I don't want that part of it. Yeah. Just wanna to create and be happy. right. Know, that's it. Right. So I did, I made a decision to go independent because I, I could have, I could have been a little mainstream, but it were, there were things that I wasn't really willing to do to have that. So I think for me now, I, I, and I've, I'm okay with that. I'm okay. With the decision. I don't, I don't. The desire that whole glory or whatever you want to call it. Um, that, that level of fame, cuz it's kind of scary. Mm-hmm depends on like what level you want. Totally it's but I'm yeah, the end goal is just to be my own CRE like create, I mean I can still work and I meet a lot of celebrities and I work with celebrities, but when, when you, um, I can't explain it without making it seem crazy. Um, when you get around in order to be somewhere at that level, you have like, like there's things that you must do. Mm-hmm I see to keep it. So do you feel like, you've been, so it's, it's kind of like everyone's dream at least as a creative to have your own. Agency and your own creative domain where you create your own thing. And I think it's becoming more popular for people to try to start like, say, start on YouTube and then just build up their own personal brand. Do you feel like that? I know that that's a huge inspiration for people to hear that, you were just like, fuck it. I'm gonna make the kinds of films I wanna make, and I'm gonna live out here and I'm gonna ask people if they wanna work with me and, you just made it happen, started creating your own domain, your own creative empire, mm-hmm and, um, that's what I want people to, to realize that they can do is just say, fuck the game. I'm gonna make my own game, and just keep making right moves, just act and just act, take action, against the grain, if, if need be. And, um, and so you are able to do that and you continue to do that. How do you see that, like, changing for people, do you see in the future, it's gonna be easier for creatives to make it on their own without the machine of, like Hollywood, the machine of blockbuster films, like how, how can people, think about trying to make it on their own and just, how should people think about creating or their, their own creative empire in life? Yeah, I do. I feel like it's it's I think it's there's. There's no. there's no excuse to not like, get to what you need to do, like, whatever it is that you want. I feel like we're living in a time. That is so it's a great time. Like, as far as like, um, social media is huge, you can, people can see yourself, you connect with people that you probably would, could never connect to without, social media. So it's, it's really, it is a, there's a positive side to social media. um, um, I mean there, the, I think most of my jobs, have definitely been through social media. Like a lot of them have been through, like people would say, oh, I saw something of yours and I reached out to you on social. I'm like, oh, okay, cool. Awesome. Which, which is great. So social media does bring people together. I think you can use it to your advantage, but again, you have to put in that work. You you're gonna put sometimes work means like you're gonna have to put. It could be 10 years from now. It could be five or, it could be there's no, whatever you're putting in will come out eventually. Um, but it just, you have to have patience and I think, yeah, that's, that's what it is. It's that, that you're, you can't give up. That's literally , that's it. That's the bottom line. Do you think that that, because of how it is, how social media is today versus how it was say 10 years ago, that mm-hmm, a lot of creators are gonna quit before they get any traction. Cause you know, like if you had a YouTube channel 10 years ago, you could make videos and they would go viral. But like now very few, videos go viral that people will make, they'll get, way less organic engagement than they used to. So I feel like so many great creators are gonna just. Quit because they're trying to get validation way too soon and way too early. Whereas back when we started, you knew you weren't gonna get validation until you put in the work until you worked for a year and had, for me it would be a music album or for you, it'd be like, you have like a, a series of shorts or something, um, but now people will put out a video or they'll put out a song and it just, it doesn't go viral. And so they just, after a year or 18 months, even they're gonna quit, and that's unfortunate because you shouldn't go off of the, what viewers is because the people that are meant to see it will see it. Like literally that's all I could say. I mean, I remember, I think, um, and then again, the, the, the people that are getting viral videos have a team. That are putting their stuff out. I mean, Kim Kardash and you think, look at our, her followers. I mean, Beyonce, you see all these celebrities, they have a team that does the work for them, and then, it's, it's, they've gotten to a level in their career to, to, to have to maintain those. I mean, television down to all, all kind of things, I think. Yeah. I think a lot of people want that validation really early and it's like, that's the problem in social media? It's like, you don't, it's not about, well, unfortunately it's like, oh, the more viewers or followers you have, you're more, then that means you're talented. But I mean, I know, I know people who work in like who are working and living as a director or writer and they have like 300 followers. Right. And they actually work in the industry. Mm-hmm like they go and clock into Warner brothers when everyone's like, I'm trying, they're trying to get in there. It doesn't it, so it really doesn't matter about followers. It's just, it just really matter. Like, and I feel like it's social media does kind of tell you that lie of like, , it's like the more followers and that means you you've you've made it. Yes. What is that supposed to mean? Right. Like it doesn't mean anything. Totally. Yeah. And you'll, that when you meet someone who has like a bunch of followers and they're just like totally normal and they're like, some of 'em don't even really pay a, that much attention to it. um, or they're like, yeah, I don't get any money from that. They're just like, who cares? And, uh, yeah, everyone's trying to make money on the, yeah. That's, that's a really great point that I want people to take away, and, and, um, I, I definitely got wrapped up in that when I was younger. And now when I make content, I think of it as like leaving something for someone at some point in the future. Even if it's just one person you. And REM reminding myself that like, Hey, for a long time, after I'm gone, family members are gonna wanna know what I thought and they're gonna wanna see my stuff. Yeah. And, and people who, when I die people I grew up with are gonna be like, Hey, what was, Anthony's music when he was, here this age and this age and this age or whatever, I was thinking at the time, working on the podcast, or, you know what, I wrote a book 2, 2, 2 years ago. And, uh, it's like, I knew that wasn't gonna be the best book I ever wrote, but I had to write something when I was at this time, and right. I think another thing, another point on that is that creators are always like, I'm not good enough yet. I'm not good enough yet. And it's like, man, you're gonna miss out on all these little snapshots of your life where you could have created something to remember it. That's just kind of, yeah. One way to look about creating. Um, yeah. I love that. What do, what do you, what do you want from like, what, what is it the end goal for you? If I may ask, I've changed it so so many times, and the one that's really stuck with me is just every day when I wake up, I want to leave. I wanna help one person leave something that helps one person and, um, to live each day, like if it's gonna be my last. So I wake up and I pray like, God, if this is the day I die, then thank you so much for the opportunity. And I'm ready to live it like 100%, and so I go out and live life. Like if, when I go to sleep tonight, that's it. And that's kind of been my guiding philosophy the last few years. And it helps me create stuff without putting pressure on myself. Like about my identity. Like, is this truly me? Or is this the best I can do? It's like today I'm gonna do the best I can do. And I'm gonna try to put something out. And if not, then, it'll something will be that much closer to getting. Published for someone to, to be helped. Um, sometimes it's about depression, recovery, I want, I want to help people with depression because that was a thorn in my side for so many years, or mm-hmm, , it's about connecting with God because, when I was young, I dealt with like, who is God? And what is God? And I realized that everyone in every religion struggles with this and that there's truths in every religion for people to get inspiration from. And so I try to put stuff out about God so that people can think of God in a different way. That's not so biased, and like really the music thing, all kind of points to that too. Like I put out songs to, because I feel like, as a man, I should be able to sing whenever I want, it's not, it's not a yeah. Um, it's, it's kind of like a, a thing of freedom. It's not a thing of like showing off for me. It's kind of like expressing freedom and showing people that it's okay to express yourself free. And so I love that. Yeah. I think like my life is kind of a statement of like self-expression and, um, as a creative, just like self-expression and following your own path, yeah. Abso AB absolutely. I, I love that. And I mean, congrats on everything that you're doing. I mean, music that's, that's absolutely incredible. Thank you. Absolutely incredible. Thank you. I mean, I, I just try to try to create stuff. I was so wrapped up in my identity for so many years that I wasn't actually really creating that much. I was just like making one thing and then holding onto it, like, look, everyone, look, everyone, , it's like, I just wanna create, I don't want to start thinking about what are, what are people gonna think about me or what are people gonna think about it? I think the best artists just say, fuck it. I'm gonna make as much as I can, whatever I want. And when I'm dead, you can decide you. Yeah. I mean, and that's what create being a creative is. It's like, I've had some really bad reviews from films that I've done over the years. I mean, I've had some harsh ones I've I remember reading this one. I was like, and I was super proud of it. And there's, it's broken company. They did review my film. It was on rotten tomatoes. And I was like, ouch. I bet. But, but it was good. It was good. Cuz I, I could take criticism. I think that's one thing you have to do is be able to, when you put art out there, everyone has the choice to critique it. I mean it's out there, right? It's out there that for everyone to watch. Yeah. So it's like, it comes with it and it's like, all right, I'll take, because again, I mean I want to be better. I wanna get better, continue to grow. Um, and the only I can do that is I, I, I don't mind someone like killing me and like stabbing me as long as I can get better from that and grow mm-hmm That's that's good for me. well, it's validating that someone would do that in personal. Like they don't know you, they, they're not thinking like it's gonna help or it's gonna hurt your feelings or help your feelings. They're not even thinking about you, they're thinking about your film. Like it's a valid piece of, of thing to critique, and so that's kind of validating in a way, like they're saying, this is a part of like society now, so I have to like, contribute. Like I have to judge it, yeah., I've, I've, I've, what's really validating when you get people, right? Like they'll write you and they'll be like, I've never, and I never knew, like you just never know who's watching your stuff. I remember, like, I remember getting in, in a book and I had no idea. I was even in a book and someone was like, Hey, did you see you? Like write up? I was like, no, send it. So it was a book about women in film and. I was mentioned in it. I was like, wow, that's nuts. I didn't even know. Like, I just had no idea, like, no one's told I never wrote me or contacted me. So I was like, well, that means a lot that that's really cool that someone thinks, and it was some, it was a film that I did, but I, it was gosh, like in 2017 they mentioned that one. I'm like, I hated that one, but to someone else, they love it. So, yes. Hey, thank you. That's huge. And that's a huge point that you know, that people should, should take, especially creators that you don't know which one's the good one. You're biased to your own thing. So the good one, you probably had it on the shelf and didn't wanna put it out and then you put it out and that was the good one. You'll never see it. Like everyone else is gonna see it as the good one. but when you're creating, you're like, you're not able to see your own work without bias, cuz that's what you're creating. You're creating like your interpretation of reality. And for other people they're gonna see it totally different. So, you gotta put stuff out, you don't know what's gonna be the thing that gets you in a book, yeah. Never know if you never made that. If you never put it out, then that wouldn't have happened. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. That's really wild. It's it's all the little small, it's all the little small things that I've done over time that I, I find very interesting. It's like I remember horror. Newar that actually put, I think that actually put me on the map more so than any of my projects. Um, that one and I've, and I've worked with, a lot of celebrities, but that was the one that everyone still to the day recognizes me for. They're like, oh my God, you're from horror. No, I'm like, wow, that's crazy. How., this documentary turned into, I mean, they were showing us in schools now, which is great. Wow. In colleges and as a college course, as a course, I I've read, like people were like, oh man, this is, um, uh, a part of it's like a part of the culture. And I feel like, wow, I'm a part, like, I didn't know. I was even gonna do something culturally life changing, or I just was like, I got the call. Hey, how do you feel about talking about, black film in horror, particularly how black people are depicted in the horror genre from the first recorded director who was an African American man, uh, Oscar Mo SCO to where we are now with Jordan peel, winning a, Oscar for work get out. And I was like, yeah, that's true. Count me in I'm I'm totally down. And that was in 2018, they call me and then we shot, we shot it in 2019. And so I, I get to set and, I had no idea what was gonna happen. I'm just like talking and asking questions and, uh, I mean, it was, it was amazing. Rachel, true from the craft. I mean, just everyone, Keith David, from the thing, uh, the original actor director who did, um, the night of a living dance, are you kidding me? Like it was in, it was like, whoa, what is happening now? But those are the small little seeds that you sew and then someone sees it and like, Hey, Hmm. So Jordan pill is in it. It was, it was absolutely amazing to just like a pinch me moment, for sure. Yeah. So, so where can people watch that? Oh, you can find that on shutter. Uh, it's shut it's. Okay. Am it is what shutter is with? I think shutter is with a C or someone else, but it's on shutter. You could find it on Amazon. You could find it. You can buy at Blueray DVD. You can just type in horror, new art, a history of black. Horror and all of it'll pop up. That's that's that's so cool. It was, uh, it was really cool. So why, why do you think it is that, that, that it picked up culturally it's just because people are so interested in, in the peel movies or I love peel yeah, it could be very well, the reason why it's so interesting, because he is done such an amazing job on, on these, these films he's putting out. I mean, anyone can watch it. I mean, it's not just for black people to watch it's it's just talking about. Black people were depicted in horror because, I remember the director would say, amazing director, uh, Xavi, Xavier Bergen. He said being black is a, like a horror. And that is actually true in some people's like life, cause you just, you're always, you, you, you wear it. You can't, you take it everywhere you go. Mm-hmm when you go into a meeting or wherever you go, it's like, people say, I don't see you. I don't see color, but it's I see blue sky. I see the green grass. I see everything, your first, you, I mean, it's just a part of life. It's not a bad thing, but your first initial reaction is okay, what you look like and. Everything else is, your judgment happened after you talk to them. Totally. Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah. So you've, you've worked on, you worked on that. What's what do you have, like another project coming up next. That's in horror. What are you working on next? Ooh, there's a lot. Um, there is, so right now I'm writing, I just finished, um, this series, um, that I'm writing of it's called community standards. Uh, Elijah Howard, really amazing Kesa comedian and it's comedy. So it's something I've never done before. I mean, I don't really do comedy. I don't, but what made me do it is, um, I like the message that it has it's it's, talking about society and I'm sure a lot of people had these kind of thoughts at one point, you know how it's like you can be in social media, jail, Facebook jail for, for saying what you, you telling your truths or whatever. Um, but if basically, if you, if you're speaking your truth, you how you can cancel, you can get canceled so easily. So I, I find that very interesting topic right now that I like, I like talking about that's cool. So, um, That's something that's down in the works. Um, then I did a, I signed it last year, but it's a, it's a, I can't really say too much, but it's, it's something to do with sci-fi thriller kind of horror. Okay. So I'm super excited about that. That's later on in the, this year, hopefully you're directing, uh, yeah, directing it's a seven, I think it's seven or six or seven episodes. Um, very excited about that. That's gonna be great. Yeah. And I got that horror film that I did last year coming out, um, called night games. So I get like beat up pretty badly. Super excited about it. nice. The blood and it's, it's so fun. I love it. Um, and just other, I have my project that I wrote directed and, and wrote last year, uh, green Heights points coming out this year. Uh, but yeah, just creating stuff, a lot of few other things, some really big things, but I wanna I'll wait, I wanna wait until they get more solid check mark that. Yeah. Cause that's gonna be one I'm like, Ooh, I wish I could say it right now with who? Well, that's good. That's good. I just wanna hear that, you've got things in the works that you've got plans that you're working on things. Um, so that's really awesome. What, what would you say is like the number one thing you want? Hmm. Young people, young people of color, young women of color, like as advice or inspiration for following your dreams, your goals, your, your dream life. What's that thing you want them to. Um, that your dreams are valid, that, be happy and be, be embrace who you are embrace, your melanin, it's, it's your superpower. It's, it's, it's not a bad thing, I know from, and growing up, some people maybe have bullied, uh, or said things about you pertaining to your skin or your history or your culture. But that doesn't matter because you are strong, you are powerful, you can do anything. You want, you, you, you can do it. And once you love yourself, that's, that's all you need self. Follow follow that dream. You can do anything. Um, cuz I, I did it. I've I've I, I I've had people say I wasn't there type I wasn't good enough or we don't want your, your type in the film. You're you're you're not what we're looking for. You're not I've I've had it. I've had people say that and I, and I had to get to the point where I didn't take it as an offense and it could be, they, I just didn't fit the role. I didn't fit the part and it wasn't for a African American woman and that's okay. That is okay because I am beautiful. I am strong. I'm powerful. I'm what I'm I'm you're created in God's image. Mm-hmm and that is the perfect image. Amen. So that's all I can say is just, uh, keep going. and have a good time doing it. Mm-hmm amen. Amen. Yeah, you don't have to not have a good time just because you're young or just because you're new or beginning, have fun with all of it and make it your own style. Like put your own style on it from the beginning. That's my advice. Like you're not, you're not gonna ever be the best at someone else's thing. Put your own spin on it, man. Just get started. Get started. So how can people best support you? How can they best follow you? Oh, I had one more question actually. Oh yeah. That's really important. Go for it. So you do a really great job with promoting yourself, your personal brand, um, Mio, Shain films. Um, how do you get over that self criticism to go all out and promote yourself? What are some obstacles that you've overcome in promoting and marketing yourself so proudly and so comfortably. Thank you. Um, I really don't care what people think. I that's literally the like it's so. And it's funny cuz my, my, my agent at the time, uh he's he passed away this other one LA last year, actually. Um, he was telling me, he's like, listen, people love your style. Put that out there. Put that through your brand. I'm like you think so I was like, isn't that kind of like self absorbing? He's like, no, he's like, Noha, you're like the farthest person from like self-absorbed person. He's like, why not? Like he's like models do it. They put themselves out all the time. You're just doing it in just a different way. That's promoting your company and your brand. That's that's all. And I was like, think about it. And then, um, I, I, I would get a lot of people asking me like, like even just my regular clothes or what I'm wearing their list, like, I love what you're wearing. I'm just. Thank you. I, it it's just that, but that's just me. I love, I, I don't try to be like anyone else. I just, I want to do, I wanna feel comfortable how I feel and if I feel comfortable, I'm sure someone else could feel comfortable, um, so I, I, I just got, I got, um, got with a friend who he does his like into fashion world and, um, and I was talking to him about like how I can go about it. And, I, I did that. He sent me some, a few leads and where to go. And, um, I was super grateful for that. And then I, I ended up doing it just to promote my business. And then the people that started working, creating my clothes and other things like that. They were like, we like what you're doing, sign with us. So it's a job as well. Um, , but I just really wanted just another avenue of promoting my work. Mm-hmm that, that's it. Uh, because when you are your brand, right. I, I walk into NVB films is just Meosha Valencia bean films. Mm-hmm , it's just my films. That's it. That's what it means. Um, and I feel like I, with, with I've always liked fashion. I've always liked that stuff. I really wanna get more into the fashion world, like really fashion world and maybe like do something like in, in that field. Um, but yeah, I, I feel like it's just another way of its expression. And, uh, I, I just put it out there and I feel like, I think the first time I put some, like, I did like an ad or whatever, or fashion ad video ad people were like, oh my God, this is cool. I was like, thanks. So I was like, oh, thank God. No one thinks it's like, Self absorbing or like, oh, you're a narcissist or something. Mm-hmm . And it's like, no, but my friend she's like only you could wear your face on your shirt. I was like, no, anyone could, I just, I, for me again, it's I, I try to make it all about pushing the brand of it's all in the same circle. Yeah. I'm not doing anything different outside of it just it's all pointing back to my work. Yes. That makes sense. All of the films are just go watch the movies. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. That's it? That totally makes sense. I, I tried kind of doing a little spin on my Gox P mech, making it more like, like a fashion line and it didn't go well, I'm like, no, that's not what I'm trying to do. It's gonna distract me. And you have to put a lot of emphasis into that. If that's what you're gonna do, so I just pointed it back at the brand and, um, it still, you still can come out with a bunch of cool stuff, yeah. Yeah. So now you have lots of merch on the Instagram. You have lots for people to watch. What's the best place. Where is the best place for people to support you? How can we best support Mio should be in films moving forward. Uh, yeah, you, you can follow me on Instagram. You should be an official, you can, check out my work on Amazon. You can buy it. You can, check out, just Google my name and check out some stuff. I have a, a, a magazine that's coming out, um, that I'm gonna have four pages in it. So that's people get to get to know who I am, the making of Meosha sick. It's like, cuz I think a lot of people kind of think like, they're like how long have you been doing this? I'm like, uh, I know, I don't look, I look like I'm 12, but , it's been a, it's been a minute. It's been a minute years. So, but I like people to know who I am. So I always say, just go and research me. Mm-hmm check out me from the beginning. Yes, absolutely. well, there, you have it learn more about Meosha being on her podcast, creator to creators, which you can find on her Instagram. MiOSHA be an official on podcast platforms everywhere and find a MiOSHA bean film or series tonight and put it on with some popcorn and enjoy. Um, MiOSHA thank you so much. I appreciate you coming on the show. It was a lot of fun and, uh, we'll have to do it again for sure in the future. Definitely. Thank you for having me. All right, everyone until next time.